It has been almost 2 months since my last reconstructive
surgery and 3 months since my last chemo treatment. It amazes me how much the past several months
have affected my brain. To process things
and thoughts of the future, even to the end of the week, is difficult. I can tell it is slowly getting better but I
still feel anxious and overwhelmed more than I would like. A few weeks ago I started my part time job
back and started physical activities again.
We have had the best Fall weather this year so that has helped get me
outside. I know cold weather is not far
away so I am putting all other things on hold and trying to enjoy the weather
since I didn't have much of a summer.
Exercise definitely helps my brain but since I spent so long inactive it
is a slow process to build back up strength.
I want to THANK YOU for your support, prayers and friendship
over the past several months. There were
many times I was so weak and down and I would get a card or a text that would
make me smile and give me strength. I
keep all my cards near my bed and read them from time to time to get my head in
a better place. They also come in handy as a fan when I am burning up from hot
flashes that I have now! I am so lucky
to have the BEST friends and family, some close and some far way, and you all
are so important to me. The things you
did for me, sent to me, and the prayers you said for me I will NEVER forget. I hate that I have been so consumed with my own
life that I have been unable to be a friend back.
A good friend of mine emailed me a song that I first
listened to right before my bone scan in March that has helped me along the
way. I share it because it might give
you strength when you need it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ti970MR3GW4
From what I have learned, a cancer diagnosis comes with a
roller coaster of emotions. I have pretty much participated in the whole ride,
per the text book, but unfortunately the ride is not over yet. In the beginning when we kept learning facts
and treatment options and had doctor appointments almost every day with
multiple scans it was TERRIFYING. Then
once we had a plan, I could focus on completing that plan. There weren't any
opportunities to really think about what I was doing or to process it (because
my brain would shut down, literally when I tried to think of something deep it
would not work). Now I have completed the treatment and will continue to take
tamoxifen daily for 10 years. This is a targeted drug for hormone positive
breast cancer. The drug will block estrogen from feeding any cancer that may be
remaining. Statistically my prognosis is good.
The doctors believe they got all the cancer out during surgery and the
chemo was like insurance that if cancer cells had broken away they would be
killed.
Now I am trying to find “normal” again. It is tricky because I worry about everything
and everyone. I have been reminded how
your life can change in one minute and how fast time goes by. I have learned a lot from this experience and
I see more good coming out of it than bad. I doubt this will come as a shock to anyone,
but it is not easy for me to be patient.
I hoped after I felt better from chemo and the surgery I would be “good
to go”. I feel very far from that but it
is going to take more time. With the
boys there is always something that needs to be done or someone to do something
with so I am just taking each day as it comes for now. I feel there are a lot of things left undone
but where did it get me when I felt like most things where done? This new perspective has its positives! I am so thankful that John created this blog
to keep you all updated as big things came up.
I know this update is very overdue but I wanted to write this one so I
could Thank You for all your support and love.
John was so strong for me through this and many times I knew it was harder
to be in his shoes than mine. One day I
saw him open a letter but I couldn't see his face. I heard him sniff so I asked what was wrong
and he answered, “nothing.” He would
continue to sniff from time to time and I thought he was crying due to bad news
he was reading about my prognosis, but didn't want me to know. The truth was he
just started having a cold and the letter had nothing to do with me. But I knew then if he showed me he was
nervous or worried I would have lost it.
I couldn't have stayed sane without him.
I was very spoiled to have meals for so long from so many of
you. It was amazing what that took off
my plate. My boys said numerous times
that was the best part of breast cancer.
Guess that speaks for my cooking!
I will always remember how my local friends made me feel like a star, the
day I rode through town and had as much support as the President had when he
rode by a month later. I can’t say Thank
You enough for helping my family and me through this.
